The neighbors across the street from us began putting up their gaudy and ridiculous outdoor decorations. Let me assure you… nothing says Merry Christmas quite like a giant inflatable Santa on a motorcycle with baby Jesus in the sidecar.
Of course, I’m kidding. There’s no sidecar.
But, the inflatable zoo does exist. There’s already a Harley Davidson Santa, a giant snow globe, and a snowman. If the wind blows just right Santa will wave at anyone who drives by – which is creepy. The snow globe has some sort of fan attached to it that blows real Styrofoam around inside the giant, mostly-clear, plastic ball. However, the fan is a bit oversized; so the poor folks inside the globe get whipped around violently and pelted with snowflakes the proportional size of softballs. If that wasn’t bad enough, whenever it stops snowing their entire world slowly collapses on top of them. Life must totally suck for those little people. God bless ‘em, though – they just keep grinning and hanging on to those tiny hymnals.
Last November the neighbors had as many as four inflatables… until the electrical bill came. The yard creatures described above spent the majority of December 2010 as large lumpy piles of colorful vinyl.
Is there nothing that inspires deeper and more genuine feelings of joy, peace, and goodwill toward men than lumpy vinyl? I can think of only one thing: vinyl inflated with more propulsion then it takes to launch a F/A-18 Hornet off the deck of the Harry S. Truman supercarrier.
I’d shed a tear if I wasn’t afraid that, in Minnesota, it might freeze to my face.