An Open Letter to Target

Regarding Target’s insistence on pressuring me to open a Target Red Card account.

Dear Target,

Each and every time I find myself in the check-out lane of any Target store I am asked if I want to open a Target Red Card. If your goal is to break the record for overwhelming and exasperating your customer base then you are, by all measures, doing a remarkable job.

First off, the very last thing Americans need is another line of credit – or another way to make paying for impulse items quicker and easier. It’s all too evident that Target management disagrees with this first point; opting instead to believe this is exactly what the American consumer needs.

It’s also very obvious that Target cashiers, already famous for their subtle body language that indicates “I wish I was anywhere else and I blame you for the fact that I’m here in the first place”, are growing weary of soullessly droning on about a product they clearly don’t believe in.

Their insistence on unceasingly asking me to sign up for your card puts them on par with that annoying Facebook notification that repeatedly tells me something ridiculous like “your friend Nick has a kangaroo in his pumpkin patch” – thinking that, by some small miracle, this will entice me to play their silly game.

I’m not playing.

Remind me: which retail chain had a major debacle over a credit card security breach just last year? It was right after Black Friday; but the retailer didn’t reveal the details of this damning issue until December 19. Somewhere north of 40 million credit card numbers were stolen; resulting in banks and credit unions reissuing more than 22 million cards (at an estimated cost of $200 million).

Oh, that’s right. It was Target.

Forgive me, but I’m sure you understand why I refuse to hand over my actual banking information and routing numbers to you just so you can avoid paying credit card service charges and fees. I guess I’m not feeling overly charitable.

Why don’t you accept ApplePay? The NFC technology already exists in your stores – all you need to do is accept Apple’s terms.

ApplePay ensures customer security by never actually handing over any sensitive information to the retailer. Apple’s payment app simply provides a randomized number that is later linked up to the customer’s account information at the bank. Not even the customer’s name is transferred to the retailer during the transaction. Everything is kept confidential between the customer and their bank of choice.

But Target doesn’t actually care about customer security – which is why Target has refused to accept ApplePay. Target is far more interested in obtaining all of the customer’s data (account information, name, address, spending habits, etc) which it can then sell for profit and/or use for pinpoint marketing strategies. How will Target send the customer circulars and coupons for items Target knows the customer will buy if Target can’t gain access to the customer’s personal information with each swipe of the credit/debit card?

No thank you, Target. I will not today, tomorrow, nor ever sign up for your Red Card. Stop asking.

From a former employee and frustrated shopper,

-Parker Monroe

P.S. While I’ve got your attention: who’s the person in charge of buying shoes for Target stores? The shoe purchasing agent. That guy. Fire him! Apparently he thinks “if if goes on the end of your leg it’s considered a shoe“. With that logic, the toilet paper stuck to the bottom of my shoe after emerging from your disgusting bathrooms could be marketed as a stylish summer flip-flop.

Target’s shoes are epically deplorable. They are wretched quality and dreadful to look at. They even smell cheap. Truly, there are people in third-world countries repurposing old tires as sandals that are better quality than the crap you’re selling.

Would it kill you to sell something that won’t fall apart after two months? You must be making one heckuva profit on these things because, at $29.99, I can’t imagine you paid more than about 12 cents for each pair.

Do all of your competitors have some sort of exclusive rights to middling quality foot wear? If not, get with the program!

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